Fairy Tail Abridged Parody
by H8rslovemecauseI'mawesome
Summary: Brought to you by Pallet Town Champions.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I'm bored and have yet to post the chapter that I'm working on for The New Journey, my LaLu fic and this has been on my mind for a couple of days. This is Fairy Tail Abridged Parody, based on Pallet Town Champions videos. **

"In a land far far away, lies the kingdom of Fiore..." Narrator started as the clouds pulled away to reveal a map with the name 'Fiore' on it.

"Woah, woah, woah, woah hold on there pal! Before we get started, I would just like to clear up some things first." Natsu said, smiling his usual goofy grin. "Despite all these rumors that this chic is the main charater," Shows a picture of Lucy. "This hunk of anime gold standing before you is in fact the real protagonist. This guy." He points to himself, "Not this guys," Points to Gray, "Or her," Back to Lucy, "Or Him," Then to Master. "Or that," Then to Happy. "Or her," Next to Erza. "Or...I don't even know you!" Then to Tobi(?). "And secondly," Cuts of to Fairy Tail opening song.

* * *

"Guys, What's going on I can't move my body," A random person asked at the Hargeon Train Station.

"Well that's because we're undistingiushed extras in an anime whose current fan base isn't large enough to support a sizable animation budget." Another Person informed.

"_Last call for Hargeon(?)!"_ The Conductor said, while 'Soul Sister' played in the background.

"I... hate... trains..." Natsu said, crawling towards the exit of the train.

"Come on Natsu," Happy said, smiling, "We're here!"

"Just... just give me a minute," Natsu said, as Happy tugged at his arm.

"_Attention passengers, the last train from Hargeon leaves... right now!"_ The Conductor informed as the train started to move.

"Wait, what? Nooooooooooo!" Natsu said, hanging his head out the window, looking at Happy who had already been off of the train and was now staring at Natsu's receeding figure as the Fairy Tail theme song started playing in the background and the Fairy Tail symbol showed up.

"The Fairy Tail!" Happy said.

"Hey, that's the name of the show!" Natsu accused.

* * *

"Can I have this?" Lucy asked, holding up a box that had the key of Canis Minor in it.

"ONly for 30,000 Jewel." The owner said.

"What? Why?" Lucy asked, confused.

"Gate keys are expensive, My dear, maybe this is more your price range," He said, holding up a card like object with a circle on it.

"What is it?"

"It's a time Tablet. It turns abck time by a mere five seconds." he informed.

"I don't get it," Lucy huffed.

"Allow me to deminstrait." He said

* * *

**Five Seconds Earlier**

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo," Natsu said, coming backwards as the train started to move in the opposite direction.

"_Attention Passengers..."_ "Wait, what?" "Natsu you're back!" "_RIGHT NOW!"_ And the train started moving forward again as Natsu hung his head out his window looking back at Happy, who was already off of the traitorous transportationa dn was ooking at Natsu's receeding figure as he screamed,

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," All over again.

"I guess not," Happy said.

* * *

"Er... let me try this again." The shop keeper said, running his finger around the circle.

* * *

**Five Seconds Earlier(Again)**

_"Attention Passengers the final boarding..." _"Uhg, wha... Nha... My god please not again!" "_RIGHT NOW!"_ "OH GOD WHY!"

* * *

"Third times a charm," the store keeper said.

* * *

**Another Transition**

"THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE!" NAtsu screamed as the train startedd moving once again and he was handing out the window, looking at Happy, who was already off of the train and was watching Natsu's receeding figure, whp was still crying.

* * *

"Stupid thing must be broken," The Owner said, rummaging through somethings.

"Can I have this?" Lucy asked again.

* * *

"So Natsu, how did you get off of that train?" Happy asked, walking besides the pink haired boy.

"Yes Happy. Yes I did." Natsu said, trudging along. "Now what the hell smells like tag..."

* * *

"Yeah, give me a pen and I'll sign them both." Said a purple haired man, who was surrounded by girls that were all love strucked.

"I want to be inside of him! I need this!" Lucy thought as her heart skipped a beat at the sight off...

"Igneel you crazy bastard! How ya been?" Natsu asked, coming face to face with the pruple haired wizard, "Who the Fuck are you?" He asked dumbly, only to be kicked into the side of the building by the crazed girls.

"Wrong guy Natsu!" Happy said, looking abck at the purple haired guy as Natsu started coughing.

"Haha, you think?" Natsu asked sarcastically.

"You. Me. Right now!" Lucy said, looking down at Natsu.

"Bitchin'."

* * *

"I wanna thank you guys for saving me back there," Lucy said, as she stared at the eating boy and his cat.

"Anytime. Don't mention it. We're glad to help." Natsu replied, then turning to Happy he asked, "What did we do again?"

"I may not look like it, but I'm a wizard." Lucy saif to them, stratching her check sheepishly.

"I'm not even going to say what you look like." Natsu said , crossing his arms.

"I was just in town looking for the local magic shop." Lucy commented.

"Anyways," She said, leaning her head on her hands, "What are you doing in Hargeon?"

"I'm looking for my dad." Natsu answered, stuffing his face with more food.

"Aw, that's sweet." Lucy replied, "What does he look like?"

"He's a dragon," Natsu said, nonchalantly, "Naw, he's a god guy."

"And you thought that you'd find a fore breathing dragon in the middle of town," Lucy started, "Are you insane?!"

"We prefer retarded." Natsu stated.

"Yeah!" Happy agreed.

"And this is where I take my leave." Lucy said walking out the door.

"Takes us out for lunch and she make us pay the bill." Natsu said, "Fucking Bich."

* * *

"Soo, you're a wizard, I see," The purple haired guy from before said, popping out of the bushes.

"I'm still mad at you guy," Lucy said, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"Now, now, don't be that way," He said waving a hand, "Look I'm having a party tonight on my yauht, why don't you don't you come? I'll make it up to you," He suggested.

"Ugh, forget it. I just want to find the Fairy Tail guild," Lucy said.

"Fine, I'll help you join Fairy Tail."

* * *

"Huh, ok-kay." Bora said as he was now sitting in a chair across from Lucy. "Now, open wide Lucy."

"What do you thing you're doing?" Lucy asked, standing up.

"Alright, you've caught me," He said.

"You went through all this trouble just to kidnap a few girls?" Lucy asked him.

"Well, I'll tell ya, it wasn't easy. You wouldn't beleive the price for magical ruffies in this town." He answered. And then the ceiling of his boat broke open, to reveal Natsu.

"Natsu, you're here to save me," Lucy said, winking at him.

"Actualy you left your wallet at the diner," Natsu said, staring at her.

"Wha..."

"I'm not giving it back," He then flew back through the hole in the roof, which then magically came together, making it lookmlike nothing ever happened. -_-

"Weell so much for you knight and shining armor..." Bora started, as the ceiling came crashing down and once again revealed Natsu.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait I see what's going on here." He said confidently, looking at Bora, "Aren't you the Captain from the Love Boat?"

Okay, that's is it!" Lucy said as Aquarius appeared, "Aquarius surf attack!" The mermaid spirit then swung her vase(urn) around causing the water to sweep the boat onto the shore.

"Ew, now I'm all wet!" Lucy moaned.

"Yo, what'sup?" Natsu asked staring down at the pirate mages.

"Wait, I recognize you now." Bora said, "You broke my love charm at the town square."

"I did?" Natsu asked.

"Ah, well if it isn't the lovable idiot with the Boston accent, who just stumbled his way into some crazy shenanigans with his talking house pet." Bora replied.

"You're a talking house pet!" Happy yelled.

"Yes, yes I am." Bora agreed.

"Let's get something straight pal. You may have the rest of this town fooled, but not me. You're no Fairy Tail wizard," Natsu said as he started to walk toward him, "You're just some poser riding on my coat tail."

"You've got some pretty big balls for a guy with pink hair," Bora concluded.

"NO he didn't!" A random sailer said.

"Yeah, you've gotsome pretty big balls for a guy with a pink vagina," Natsu retorted.

"OHHHHHHHH!" Another random sailer said.

"My name is Natsu Dragneel and I'm a Fairy Tail Wizard!" Natsu yelled.

"You're kidding?!" Bora said, nervously.

"So, Natsu's a Fairy Tail Wizard?" Lucy asked, oblivious.

"Yeeaaah," Happy said, crossing his arms.

"FIRE DRAGON ROAR!" Natsu screamed as he breathed a stream of fire towards the pirates.

"Taste my purple fury," Bora yelled back, using his own flame magic.

"Thanks for the flames," Natsu said as he began to eat them. "Now, get your asses ready for a hot FISTING."

"A hot what?" Bora asked.

"FIRE DRAGON'S IRON FIST!"

"No not the face!" Bora yelled as he crashed into the bell tower.

"Did he win?" Lucy asked.

"How do you function?" Happy deadpanned.

* * *

"Oh, shit it's the feds. Come on we gotta go!" Natsu said, running away with Lucy.

"Are you taking me to your guild?" Lucy asked.

"The fuck is a guild?"

* * *

And that concludes the first episode. Hope you liked it. I tried to get everything in there.


	2. Part One

"The following is a fan based parody. Fairy Tail is owned by..." Mira started.

"Disclaim that!" NAtsu said, kicking over the black sign, causing it to fall onto Mira, making her cry. "Oh god, oh man. I'm so sorry my foot slipped. Hey you okay?"

* * *

Hey everybody, I'm back!" Natsu said, kicking open the doors to the guild.

"Got a code PINK everybody. He's back. Code Pink. This is not a drill just everyone look busy" warned a mage as everyone started fighting each other.

"I'm new here. My name's Lucy," Lucy said.

"Sweetheart, I will definately court you to a magnificent degree later, but I have some unfinished..." Gray started.

"Breakfast?" Lucy said.

"Business. Hey, Natsu how's it hangin'?" Grany asked, putting on a yankee face as he looked at the pink haired boy, who also had a yankee face.

"Oh, you know. Slightly to the left," Natsu replied.

"This is Gray!" Happy introduced as Lucy covered her face.

"Have you seen my pants? No, well if you do you can kep them, because you're probably going to need them more than I do." Gray said, as he stood naked in front of Lucy.

"And this, is Cana," Happy introduced," She's an alcoholic," pointing to a brown haired girl who was drinking at the bar.

"Look Happy," Cana huffed, "I think it's real cute you doing this whole introduce the audience to the characters, but are we done here?"

"Oh, uh, yeah," Happy waved dismissively, "I guess."

"Okay, thanks. Cause Mama's virgin daiquiri to finish," CAna deadpanned, "Man I'm soo wasted."

"But you can't get wasted on a vi..." Lucy started. **(A/N I am sorry for the next part.)**

" Sheah, dud dud dud dud dud., We don't actually give her real alcohol after the last Christmas party," A guy with white hair said, interrupting her.

"Oohh?" Lucy said, uncertainly.

"This is Elfman, he's a real man's man," Happy introduced.

"I'm like John Wayne and Rambo combined. Just call me Rainbow." He said, pumping his fist.

"Hey new girl move out of the way. I need to watch Gray..." A guy with orange hair said, in a kind of girly tone, "And Natsu fight."

"O-kay," Lucy said, crossing his picture off.

"This is Loke," Happy introduced.

"Actually, it's Lok-aa." Loke interrupted.

"He's a different kind of man's man, if you catch my drift." Happy mumbled into a piece of fish.

"Now the village people were really good back then... Oh hey, you're not filming this are you?"

"What? No.. of course not. Don't be que...Silly. Silly." Happy said, waving.

"Oh, good cause that would not sound good out of context." Loke commented, pushing up his glasses.

"Hey new girl!" A white haired barmaid said, "I'm..."

"Mirajane! Oh my god. I'm SUCH I HUGE fan," Lucy started, "I loved the photo shoot." Mira giggled.

"Thank you. It was quite the spread and they took some great pictures too," She said, looking at the fight like it was an everyday occurrence,before turning back to Lucy

"What do you mean?" Lucy asked, only to see Mirajane crushed underneath Elfman.

"I slept... with the...photographer...bleeehh." Mira said. *Cut to Cana with her cards*

"Hey guys... MAGIC PARTY," She yelled.

"'Yeeaah, magic party." Gray said getting into his stance.

"Aaaww, yeah!" Natsu said, fists aflame.

"PURPLE!" Elfman said, thrusting his fist into the air.

"Now, now, you all have plenty of time to develop you characters when," breaks off laughing. "Oh boy I cannot say that with a straight face. Now, who do we have here?"

"Oh, hi, Master." Mira said, smiling sweetly at the Gigantic, hulking figure. **(A/N How the hell did FT's creator come up with Makarov?)** "I didn't see ya there."

"How long has he been standing there?" Lucy asked cringing away from the shrinking master as the wind started to pick up and her skirt flew up slightly.

"Eight point two one seconds." Mira informed her.

"Welcome to the guild newbie. Ii'm Makarov Dreyar." Makarov said, sticking a hand up into the air for Lucy to shake.

"Hahahhaha, you're little," Lucy said, smiling down at the master.

"Well, hehe, you're a bitch." Makarov said, smiling at her, "Allyoop. Ow, oh, my back," He said as he back flipped and crash landed on the railing of the second floor.

"No big deal." He continued, and then he cleared his throat, "You know, I once knew a man who said, "'Son, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. He also had a pair of sideburns that would make even Jude Laws face weep and forfeit. Let me tell you something, when life gives you lemons, you put those lemons in a sac and beat your enemies with it. And maybe if you beat them hard enough the bag will spit open and lemon juice with spray into their eyes causing intense burning pains as you beat them to a citrusy pulp."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait... Their heads or the lemons?" Gray interrupted.

"What ever caves first," Makarov answered, "The point I'm trying to make is that Life isn't always going to hand you opportunities you were all born to extremely gifted and talented individuals and it's up to you to use those talents..."

* * *

**Behind the scene**

"Hang on a second, I got to change the page." A guy said.

"Go for it," Another guys said.

"Wee, good?" Another guys said.

"Yeah, yeah. we're good." the first guy said.

* * *

"Use those talents to achieve your goals. I say screw the magic damn counsel. Now, who wants to go buy some lemons?" Makarov shouted, thrusting his hand shaped like an 'L' into the air. It was quickly followed by the rest of the guilds as one guys shouted,

"L for Lemons," And Lucy looked up with a huge smile on her face... and then the scene cut to the counsel.

* * *

"Oh, god no...not the wemons, no," a short guy said in a Spanish lilt, with his arms crossed.


End file.
